By Rachel Terrill
Engagement Insider
When my husband, Craig, was drafted to play for the Seahawks, we left our homes across the country to make a new home together in Seattle. We didn’t know anyone on the West Coast and really, we were still learning to love each other.
Despite my need for friends, I didn’t think I would fit in with other NFL wives. I didn’t know what they might be wearing, but I was sure that their outfits wouldn’t look like the faded t-shirts that lined my closet.
I spent months alone in our apartment feeling sorry for myself. Eventually, I began to resent Craig for taking me away from the dreams that I sacrificed for him.
Meanwhile, Craig struggled to focus on football while he was worried about me and our relationship.
It took almost two seasons before I began reaching out to other NFL wives. As I got to know other wives, we formed special friendships. We attended games together, cheered for our husbands, and believed in the team. We laughed and cried together, shared Bible studies, threw baby showers, and even spent holidays together.
My experience in Seattle wasn’t unique. Years later, other wives confided that it took them years to fit in as well. Despite the name brands in their closets, many of them did not feel like they could measure up to the more seasoned millionaires whose husbands they had only seen on TV.
I realized then that as a veteran NFL wife, it was my job to reach out to other new NFL wives sooner. I needed to be persistent in my effort to include them in day-to-day living, to teach them how to thrive in the NFL.
As wives of professional athletes, we spend so much time in the shadows of our husbands that sometimes we forget to look out for others who are lost in their own darkness.
In the NFL, the average career lasts only about four years and most players will play for several teams. We don’t have the luxury of a couple of years to wait to get to know each other.
Who else might understand the times that we were scared to be alone and longed for a husband who was home more, whose body didn’t hurt, who could participate in non-football activities with us? There were times that we wanted to be seen by the outside world as more than NFL wives, or to be seen at all.
Now, Craig is retired from the NFL. Our marriage is undoubtedly stronger because of the sisterhood that I shared with the wives of his teammates.
NFL Wives, this is my call to you:
Find out if each player on your team has a significant other. Go out of your way to spend time with them. Sit with them at games. Invite them over for dinner. Get to know their stories -- and tell them yours. Let them know that the sorority of NFL wives has nothing to do with the clothes they’re wearing or the style of their hair.
Friendships with other NFL wives will make you happier and help you feel connected. Knowing that you’re happy at home will help your husband focus on being his best for the team.
When we got the call that Craig’s NFL career was over, we felt devastated. Despite seven seasons of great memories, the transition was hard. While I tried to support him, I leaned on fellow NFL wives to support me. I mourned for the friendships, the opportunities, and the identity that comes with being a part of a team and a part of the league. NFL careers often end without warning.
Neither friends from home nor the general public will feel sorry for you when your husband loses his job after years spent in the public eye with an NFL salary. Only friends from the league will understand that the profound loss goes deeper than the money.
Your husband will need you to be strong for him. The women that you reached out to as they transitioned into the league will support you as you transition out. The memorable moments that you experienced together as NFL wives will bond you in a sisterhood forever.
I can’t imagine life without the NFL wives whom I consider among my closest friends. I continue to lean on them to help me keep my marriage strong as Craig and I move beyond our NFL identities and into life together beyond the game.