By Tim Elmore
Growing Leaders
The figures are in. The number of U.S. children living in single-parent homes has nearly doubled in 50 years. And researchers say that children raised by single mothers have a higher risk of developing “deviant behavior” including drug abuse, criminal activities, poor educational performance and mental illness. Eighty-six percent of college athletes live below the poverty line. Twenty-two percent of athletes reported using marijuana in 2013, with Division III smoking the most and Division I smoking the least (as was the case with most drugs).
What’s happening? These gifted students may become the greatest generation America has ever produced. I believe this, however, with one qualifier. We must change the way we coach and lead them.
Our culture today places an unusually high value on talent in kids. We call them “gifted kids.” Many belong to TAG programs (Talented And Gifted). This all began in the 1980s. We isolate their talents early on and set them on a track to maximize them. The highly gifted are set apart from other students and become celebrities, of sort, even as children. They become the center of attention among adults—the parents, the coaches and the teachers.
When we treat talented kids like a god, they think, “Wow—I’m getting unusual attention for my talent to play my sport. This is my ticket to an easy life. I can wing it. No one will ever kick me off the team. I’m irreplaceable.” The agenda of families revolves around the talent of the super kid. Special favors and short cuts are granted. And these kids quickly associate their “gift” with all the perks. So they ride the wave as far as they can and never develop disciplines that other kids have to build.
Their gift is actually bigger than they are and they don’t know what to do with it. At times they feel so uncomfortable, they sabotage their success by doing something stupid. Deep down they think they don’t deserve this special place, so they disqualify themselves. When people lean on their gift and fail to mature emotionally, intellectually or spiritually, they may ruin their chance to use the gift. If their character has not kept up with their talent, they learn to “wing it” through life, depending on their gift rather than their discipline. It’s talent over effort.
Some call this the Prima donna Syndrome. Great players are able to do whatever they want off the field, because their talent is so big on the field. “Everything’s on a scale,” says former NFL coach Jimmy Johnson. “You have the talent issue and then you’ve got the character issue. And the more talented a player is, the more concessions you might make on the character issue.”
We love to see people with great talent play or lead. But, people with big talents must work even harder to develop their inward life. When charisma becomes mammoth and character becomes minimized, the solution is not to do away with talent. It is to develop a framework of discipline. Character is the infrastructure that holds us up through our lives. The greater the talent, the more time should be spent developing discipline.
Four Statements to Coach and Live By
1. Talent has the potential to carry us further than character can sustain us. Without direction, our gift can mold us into someone we don’t even like. The temptation will be to use our gifts in ways misaligned with our ethics and principles.
2. Integrity won’t always keep pace with the momentum created by giftedness. Sometimes our talents are stronger than our character. Our moral intelligence isn’t strong enough to give us clarity. It is then that we must give even more attention to our discipline.
3. There is no correlation between giftedness and maturity. It’s easy to assume that a talented athlete must be a mature, healthy leader. A person can have great gifts and be the most immature person in the world. Coaches must help players see the difference.
4. Commitment to integrity can be easily eroded by our love of progress. As a coach, if you lack integrity, it may mean your leadership gift is pushing you forward and you want to make progress. Because you love progress, you must pay special attention to your level of integrity.
Let’s go build a generation of athletes who possess the character to match their talent.
Tim has written more than 25 books, including the best-selling, Habitudes: Images that Form Leadership Habits and Attitudes®, Artificial Maturity: Helping Kids Meet the Challenge of Becoming Authentic Adults, Generation iY: Our Last Chance to Save Their Future, Life Giving Mentors, and Nurturing the Leader Within Your Child. His sought-after parenting expertise includes insightful blog articles, such as “7 Crippling Parenting Behaviors That Keep Children from Growing into Leaders,” on Forbes which has received more than 5.7 million views. You can follow Tim and Growing Leaders on Twitter @GrowingLeaders and @TimElmore.