By Keith Elias
NFL Player Engagement
How do you change the world? One student at a time. I remember the day, as a young man, I came home after being harassed by the neighborhood bully. My father did not allow me to be overcome by fear. Instead, he made me go back, not to fight, but to face the bully. I also remember a day when I was a bit older, and I was the young man who started some trouble. My father walked me to my neighbors’ houses to apologize. Thinking back, there were so many lessons I learned from my father about what it meant to be a man; things like rising early to provide for the family, to being honest, kind, and courageous. Most of all, he taught me to do the right thing no matter the cost or consequence. Where would I be without my father? Who would I have become?
I believe there are many things in life that a young man learns best from an older man. However, what happens in the life and heart of a young man if there is no older male role model in his life? This question lead to the development of the first ever Man on the Rise: Young Men’s Conference.
The NFL Player Engagement Department, in partnership with Heroes and Cool Kids (a 501-c3 anti-bullying and mentoring program), Lakewood School District and Georgian Court University, held the Man on the Rise conference on Friday, November 21st. Two hundred 8th grade boys from Lakewood School District spent the day at Georgian Court University with NFL Legends Community members and men from their own community to think about and discuss what it is to be a man in our culture today.
This generation faces challenges that were unknown to previous generations. The proliferation of divorce, coupled with the cultural increase of having children out of wedlock, increasingly leaves a generation of young people without a readily available male role model in their life to speak with them and lead them on a daily basis. The results of this paradigm shift can be daunting:
• Sixty-three percent of teen suicides occur in fatherless homes—five times the national average.1
• Ninety percent of all runaways and homeless teens come from fatherless homes—32 times the national average.2
• Seventy-two percent of adolescent murderers and 60 percent of rapists come from fatherless homes.3
• Eighty-five percent of children with behavior problems come from fatherless homes—20 times the national average.4
• Seventy-one percent of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes.5
• Seventy-five percent of youth in chemical abuse centers and 85 percent of youths in prison come from fatherless homes—20 times the national average.6
• Even in high-crime-rate areas, 90 percent of children in two-parent homes do not become delinquents.7
Terrance O. Moore, a former Marine, school principal, and Hillsdale College History Professor, in his 2003 article “Wimps and Barbarians” notes that half of American boys growing up do not live with their natural fathers, and the sons of single mothers lack strong men to usher them into the world of responsible, adult manhood. Divorce actually creates profound doubts about their own masculinity. As young males approach manhood, they become plagued by questions. Will they be like their fathers? Do they want to be like their fathers? What is a man supposed to do?
The Man on the Rise: Young Men’s Conference was designed to answer these questions by engaging young men to discuss and define masculinity for a new generation, and to recreate a positive self-image around masculine identity and values. NFL Legends Community Members were utilized as hosts and mentors in breakout sessions, and the platform speaker was former first round pick of the Cleveland Browns, William Green. Green shared his life story and talked candidly about how he built his life on false ideas of masculinity, and how, through his faith, he found what being a man really all is about.
After a morning greeting by Lakewood Middle School Principal Richard Fastnacht, the young men were introduced to the Legends Community members, including former Giants, Lee Rouson, Charles Way, and Scott Davis, former Jet Bruce Harper, former Eagle and Cowboy, Harry Flaherty, former Falcon and Seahawk Patrick Kearney, and former NBA champion Tim Bassett. The young men were asked to write their definition of masculinity in their new NFL Player Engagement notebooks before being encouraged to open their minds, “take off their masks,” and allow the new ideas that would be put forward to take root in their heart.
After Green spoke, the young men were divided into four groups and rotated between four breakout sessions. The breakout sessions were designed around four key areas of masculinity. The facilitators defined what masculinity looks like in 1) the home and family, by looking at the role of husband and father, 2) relationships, by examining gender violence and healthy female relationships, 3) the media, by questioning the type of masculinity portrayed in the media, films, and video games, and discussing it’s triumphs and failings, and in 4) the community, by discussing what the male students roles and responsibilities are as leaders in the school and community. During one of the breakouts, the young men were encouraged to read through and sign a Manhood Pledge that, among other things, promised to respect, serve, and honor all woman, and as a Man on the Rise, sets the example of manhood in their community.
One of the strengths of the conference was utilizing local men from Lakewood School District’s own community to facilitate the breakout sessions, and to provide masculine examples for the young men that day, as well as becoming resources and accountability reinforces of the core message in the young men’s school and community. These locally rooted men (a physical education teacher, basketball coach, SRO officer, and rec youth coordinator) are pillars in the community that the boys can rely on beyond the day of the conference, and they provided the foundation for the learning environment.
As always, with events like this the efficacy is always questioned. How would we know if we made a difference? The answer came two weeks later through a story one of the facilitators related about an event that happened in the Lakewood Middle School locker room. One of the boys was causing trouble amongst his classmates when another young man raised his voice and said, “Hey, that’s not Man on the Rise behavior.” The other young men in the group agreed, encouraging and holding each other to the standard set at the conference. How do you change the world? One student at a time.
I personally want to thank the NFL Player Engagement Department, the NFL, the Legends Community, and Georgian Court University for making this conference happen for the young men of Lakewood Township.
1. “What Can the Federal Government Do to Decrease Crime and Revitalize Communities?” U.S. Department of Justice, NIJ Research Forum, Panel Papers, January 5–7, 1998, p. 11.
2. R. Knight and R. Prentky, “The Development Antecedents and Adult Adaptations of Rapist Subtypes,” Criminal Justice and Behavior, vol. 14, 1978, pp. 403-426.
3. D. Cornell, E. Benedek, and D. Benedek, “Characteristics of Adolescents Charged with Homocide: Review of 72 Cases,” Behavioral Sciences and Law, vol. 5. 1987, pp. 11-23; N. Davidson, “Life Without Father,” Policy Review, 1990.
4. “What Can the Federal Government Do to Decrease Crime and Revitalize Communities?”, p. 11.
5. Ibid.
6. “The Fatherless Generation: Statistics,” http://thefatherlessgeneration.wordpress.com/statistics/; Fulton County Georgia jail populations and Texas Department of Corrections, 1992.
7. “The Fatherless Generation: Statistics,” http://thefatherlessgeneration.wordpress.com/statistics/.