Advocate.com
By: Wade Davis
As a former NFL player, openly gay male and executive director of the You Can Play Project, I’m asked one question continually: “When is the first active NFL player going to come out?” And my response is always the same: “Announcing one’s sexuality is an individual and personal decision, so I have no clue.” That answer always creates a conversation around how homophobic the NFL is perceived to be and raises the question “What is the NFL doing to combat that?”
I often try to reframe the direction of those conversations and reiterate how players who aren’t out while playing in the NFL shouldn’t necessary reflect on the NFL and its culture. Players who aren’t out in the NFL weren’t out in college and weren’t out in high school. And now there’s a larger conversation to be had about how we socialize all kids around issues of sexuality, masculinity, and manhood and the ways young boys are taught to view femininity as a sign of weakness. While there’s less resistance to those conversations, many still believe the NFL must do more.
Well, the NFL has been listening and understands the power it has to shift and shape culture. Over the past few years, the NFL has been in conversation with multiple LGBT organizations like the You Can Play Project, GLAAD, Athlete Ally, and the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network to discuss various ways it can enhance its existing policies around issues of diversity and inclusion to ensure that any gay athlete knows the NFL family will treat him with respect regardless of his sexual orientation.
From the first day I met Troy Vincent, former NFL player and senior executive, I knew the NFL wasn’t just paying this issue lip service. We sat and talked for hours about what my experience in the NFL was like as a non-out gay player. We discussed how I policed my every move and tried to re-create the type of masculinity that I thought was acceptable in the world. I even disclosed how my fear of being rejected, on some level, impacted my ability to perform and how gratifying it was to have countless former teammates embrace me after I announced my sexuality publicly.
Troy listened. He listened because he was my brother and we were family. We discussed how all teams are families, and though friction can sometimes occur around certain issues, the strong bond created between players always lasts. And he and I were the perfect example of that. Though we had never met, the scars and stripes of an NFL brother are always visible and welcomed.
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