By Shannon O’Toole
Too old, too hurt, too irrelevant - the game he has known and loved is no more. What’s next?
Many players are “retired” before age 30, making a second income after football a financial necessity. No matter how well the player and his significant other saved, only the minority of NFL couples can live out on football investments alone. If he wants to explore a new career, will the hundreds of business cards eagerly thrust into his hands over his past playing years equate to a job?
What about the player’s wife? Now that his playing career is over, is it going to be about her? Whether it’s implicit or explicit, NFL women usually strike a bargain with the game. For however many years a spouse in the NFL, women subvert their needs and desires to help him succeed. If she has a career, and most do not, hers always comes in second place.
Does she now desire to become the family’s sole breadwinner? Her professional and personal goals have likely changed over the years. Has she kept her skills up to date? From raising funds for local youth sports, to serving on non profits, to wrapping secret Santa presents at team headquarters - she has a PHD in volunteerism, but does that count on a working resume?
It’s a scary time, “the transition”.
Making a second living is the top concern cited by NFL families, but relationship issues also arise during this shift. In retirement, couples need to reset their interpersonal boundaries, even down to household chores like who folds the towels, who walks the dog, or who sweeps the leaves off the front porch.
Any rocky emotions can become intensified because now, for the first time in years, the couple is together all the time. There is no months long break during summer camp, no away game weekends. Many women say the first year after retirement is always the hardest.
The truth is that both he and she know the football life better than anything else. Making the transition from playing to coaching fulfills a player’s competitive drive, it’s familiar, and it (eventually) pays well.
Ronald and Stacie Curry are a young NFL couple that have recently made the transition from the field to the sidelines. Ronald, who played 7 years with the Oakland Raiders - has been an offensive assistant/wide receivers coach for the past two years with the San Francisco 49’ers. Stacie remembers when injury forced Ronald to hang up his cleats:
“At first, I was thrilled to have him home because my 3rd child was just born. But after about 18 months, I started feeling like, ok, what’s next. I wanted our children to know that individuals’ daily lives included daily occupational responsibilities. We wanted to teach them that.” So Stacie refreshed her resume and starting to look at job opportunities on-line. “I started to think maybe it’s not about him. It’s me; Ronald paid his dues.”
Luckily, the Curry’s made smart money moves when he was playing. According to Ronald, “When you do save your money, like in our instance, you can wait it out. A lot of guys who don’t save, they panic, and have do something (a job) they don’t want to do. It’s tougher when you are not as responsible with your money.”
Ronald also took advantage of the NFL’s Bill Walsh Minority Coaching internship with the San Diego Chargers to get a taste of the coaching life. The program’s objectives are to give minority coaches the opportunity to observe, participate in, and gain experience in an NFL club’s training camps and offseason workout programs.
Identifying himself as “as old player and a young coach” for Ronald, coaching is about the relationships. “I like to work with a guy, work on his craft, and to see that craft mature. I work with rookies right now and I enjoy watching those guys grow and do well in games and continue to get better as a player and as a person.”
As a former player, Ronald has what’s known in football circles as “instant credibility”. “Players instantly respect you. They look at you differently from guys that didn’t play. They think you know what you are talking about,” With a self-depreciating smile he added, “Even if you don’t.”
Ronald realizes players might be hesitant to make the transition to coaching because the money is not what a player is used to, but with passion and hard work, the money will come. The average receiver coach in the NFL makes between $250,000-450,000. Entry level coaches, however, need to pay their dues and they make nowhere near that amount – which is another reason to aggressively save while playing.
The stability factor and the time away from Dad is what Stacie noticed most in her transition into coach’s wife. Most typically, coaches sign with teams in January and they will remain on that staff for the season. Players, on the other hand, never know the moment of their last play, be it through injury or getting cut. Regarding the sometimes, 16-18 hour days, “When he was playing, we would see Dad every day. Now it feels like you are a single parent. Everything is on you.”
Citing a positive about coaching, Stacie added, “Another difference is the anxiety every week of watching your guy play and praying that he doesn’t have an injury. That is my greatest relief as a coach’s wife, when I’m sitting at games on Sunday and not having that fear about him being injured.”
For players considering the transition into coaching, Ronald advises taking advantage of the coaching internships the league offers. (More information can be found on www.nflplayerengagement.com.) He also admits that coaching is “who you know.” If a player conducts himself with class and integrity, his coaches will remember. Upon Ronald’s offensive assistant hiring, the head coach Jim Harbaugh told him, “You may not have realized it, but you already interviewed for this position 10 years ago.”
Stacie has sound advice to the wives making the shift as well: “If you can find a mentor, a veteran wife, who reaches out, accept the invitation. Find someone to chat with, to be involved with. Your neighbors, your church, or your school - you need to find an avenue to just exhale.”
Transitions are tough and leaving the game they both know so well can rock the strongest couples. But if they see themselves as a team, they will make it through. Faith in a higher power helped the Curry’s. Stacie stated, “Our foundation for marriage was based on God. I knew there were and will be trials in our relationship, in our marriage. So we went back to scripture which enabled us to focus on God’s plans for our marriage and our family.”
Shannon O’Toole is married to John Morton, current NFL assistant coach. Shannon also wrote, Wedded to the game: the Real Lives of NFL Women. For ordering info please go to: www.nflwomen.com.