USA Today 6/15/13
By Troy Vincent
As the father of five children, I consider one of my most important duties is to be a teacher. That is why this Father's Day, in return for the gifts I receive, I will reciprocate with the greatest gift I can give my children -- the tools required to have and sustain healthy, mature relationships built on mutual respect and trust. To accomplish this, I am on a constant quest to identify teachable moments.
It's not easy to drive this message home when our children are the most distracted generation ever due to technology such as smart phones and texting. Yet, the urgency to break through this noise has never been greater as recent statistics show that every minute, 24 people in the United States are victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. These startling figures are simply unacceptable, which is why organizations such as NO MORE feel the time has come to end the silence and get men talking about these issues.
As a longtime NFL player, the tragic case of Jovan Belcher, the Kansas City Chief's linebacker who killed his girlfriend, and the mother of his child, and then himself last December, underlined the urgency of confronting this issue.
Manhood for many encompasses fatherhood, and tried and true principles such as prioritizing education and guiding children to take a position still work best. I recognize that being a good parent is not automatic. What works for me and my wife of 20 years are regular dinners, which serve as sacred family time when we introduce our teachable moments into the conversation. Our discussions can range from a steady stream of headlines in the news regarding celebrities or professional athletes to the president talking about national issues such as same-sex marriage.
We ask our children, who range in age from 7 to 24, "Do you understand what the president is saying?" and "How do you feel about this news regarding (insert latest domestic incident)?" And be it a political statement or a social issue, we always want to know, "What is your position?"
As a father, when we watch reports of misdeeds in relationships that can have devastating psychological effects on families, I ask, for instance, "Son or daughter, what would you do?"
I make sure they know that these incidents can create generational cycles of this kind of behavior if not addressed properly. For a father to turn a blind eye to these teaching opportunities is in and of itself a form of acceptance, and can feed into this epidemic.
For my wife and I, we teach by example in both words and actions. What we say, how we say it, and what our children see us do carries the most weight with them. We also use examples of success to promote positive reinforcement on what to do, and disappointment to highlight what not to do.
I see successes and disappointments every day, and feel parental pressure when my children have asked me, for example, about the Belcher incident, with "Dad, what are you going to do about this?" I welcome this question, since I see it as a tremendous opportunity to teach and educate my children by having a conversation around current and larger societal topics that these issues can ignite.
Healthy relationships is a topic that affects everyone and on this Father's Day I want to maximize my teachable moments so my children will say "No more" to domestic violence and sexual assault.
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